she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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