Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
