Small penises have feelings too.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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