God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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