I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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