i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize