She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
