Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
