i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
