She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
