he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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