Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
