Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
