dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
pop tarts are not kleenex
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
