How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
