and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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