That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize