he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
