considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
