I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
