3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
