I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize