i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
