I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
