remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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