dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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