was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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