im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
