He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
wow bdsm is so cute
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