Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
