I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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