I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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