yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize