Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
