If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
