I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
