its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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