I think I won the penis lottery.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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