I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
worst night to have a conscience
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
