she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize