I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
