i think i have herpe
just one?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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