Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
