At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Soap is not a condiment
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize