Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
