Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
