where does the pee come out of this thing
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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