ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
