oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
