A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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