I'm passing your future prison.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize