i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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