I just pynch a tree in the face
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
