we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
