FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
