yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
