wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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