This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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