dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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