I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
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