how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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