I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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