At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
