I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
