hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
