I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
