how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
