Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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