The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
