Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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