imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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