Cold hands, warm shart.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize