I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
