my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
