Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
