How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
