Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
