My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
