I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
