i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
