once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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