apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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