i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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