i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
