my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
