Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
false alarm, still single
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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