you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
