My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
