ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
home. puking in laundry basket.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
