you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
