Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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