Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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