There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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