Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize