I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
