So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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