She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
