New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
