Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
