I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
