I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
there's paper in my vomit.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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