Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize