I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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