You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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