after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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