M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
