I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
