I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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