I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
