Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
