Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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